It’s been about a week so I thought I would post an update. I’m starting to feel better, although I still have my moments. Once such moment came yesterday when the funeral home called to say that Ethan’s ashes would be ready to pick up in the next day or so. When a man and wife dream of the days they’ll spend with their children, this particular activity isn’t something you ever hope you have to face. But here we are. I’ve really spent a lot of time over the last two weeks thinking of all the wonderful blessings that I DO have in my life. Focusing on these things helps me to stay grounded and thankful, rather than sad and bitter. From the moment that all this started I have fervently prayed that my heart wouldn’t become bitter because I have always prided myself on the fact that I’m a “glass half-full” kind of person. I won’t pretend or suggest that hearing about pregnant women around me doesn’t leave me momentarily sad or jealous, because of course it does. And I probably even allow myself a quick question of why? Why did they deserve to have their baby grow whole in their bellies, while my baby wasn’t allowed such favor? But I quickly remind myself that Ethan is whole, healthy and happy. He just happens to not be here with us anymore.
Anyway, on to happier subjects. Who is ready for some football? I know I am. It is a valuable distraction for me right now, because hands down, it is my most favorite time of the year. High school, College or NFL.. I don’t care, just as long as it is football, I am happy. The camaraderie and pageantry is exponentially better with college football, especially Aggie football, but over the last 4-5 years I can’t discount the enjoyment I get when the Cowboys win!!! Today, with it being the first day of the NFL season, I am even thrilled to be watching the New Orleans/Minnesota game.
I leave for London in just over a week and I am not prepared yet at all. I did order a new coat for the trip though, so that is a good thing. I also purchased some warm “business casual” attire because I have gotten spoiled over the last year since I can practically wear my PJs to work every day if I wanted to. Several people have asked if I am excited about the trip and the resounding answer right now is NO! I am not excited about leaving my husband for that long. We aren’t the type of couple that spends all that much time apart (insert gagging sound here!). The fact is that when we discussed it we couldn’t recount a time over the last 5-6 years when we have been apart for this long, but I know that professionally it is a great opportunity for me so I know that when the time is upon me I will indeed be excited.
Till next time! Go Cowboys and Ags Beat the Hell out of Louisiana Tech!!